I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
