Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize