They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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