And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize