never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
