I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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