do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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