Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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