so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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