And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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