So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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