her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
