Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
