Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
