she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
