I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
