Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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