That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
