at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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