problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
