Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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