Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
