Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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