I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
