Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
