woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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