Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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