Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
