You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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