guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
