she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
