cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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