i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
