Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
