The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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