Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
