spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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