Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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