Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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