I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well you can't waste a boner
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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