thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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