hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize