i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".