Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."