I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species