Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.