i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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