even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
