I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize