You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
