I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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