this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i think i just lost a toe
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
