I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
