I can text with my tongue
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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