I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
