I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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