youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
