its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
