I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hotel room ftw
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
