If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
