I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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