My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
