In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
