thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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