I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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