I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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