In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
