the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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