How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
