Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize