My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
