they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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