got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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