that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
