I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
