I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
