What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm really busy with my period
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