I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
