omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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