yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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